You’re Tan Italy, We get it

You're Tan Italy, We get it

Italy has had its woes. It has had its ups, it has had its downs. Julius Caesar, the Roman Empire, the Renaissance, Pizza! All major ups if you ask me.

Now I feel like they are going through one of their slightly “downer” phases. Decades of Berlusconi and his completely legitimate political regime have torn down the frameworks of a well functioning country to the likes of a toddler running a trigonometry course(alright that might be a bit dramatic). All despite the ever-present high sales of Gelato, they are suffering from the stagnant development or rather entirely ceased development of their economy.

I travelled to Italy with my sister and got to experience the world according to Italy firsthand. Where I thought there might be worries about nearly non-existent labor force growth and the fall of production in their nation instead only offered one true woe on the minds and in the hearts of all active and law-abiding Italian citizens:

My skin.

If you have ever met me or looked at a piece of printer paper, you will know that I have a skin tone comparable with a freshly painted hospital wall. Might as well be a color palette for “Say Yes to the Dress” or a standard upon which you can determine the freshness of snow. You get the point.

Coming back to my original argument, it seems as though Italy could be contemplating many a grand conflict in their society yet it seemed they had replaced all of this energy supply with relinquishing many variations of warnings that I am quote as “bianco as milk”.
Never in my life have more people prior to me even greeting them let alone learning their name and favorite current Netflix show of choice handed me sunscreen and pled me to use it. 7 days of this and I felt like I was on my third grade field-trip to Yosemite all over again with every parent chaperone smothering me in what can only be described as pure zinc.
One time my sister and I wanted to take a canoe out and were stopped and told we couldn’t go out unless we covered ourselves to protect our skin. AN OLD ITALIAN MAN DICTATED MY SPF AND RECREATIONAL-WATER-ACTIVITY-OUTFIT. I know this isn’t the United States of Amurrica but I still have freedom of sunblock-usage right?

In retrospect it was actually very sweet and attentive of the Italianos. And hey at least I didn’t get a sunburn and technically I boosted their economy by investing in enough sunscreen for a small Albino army. You’re welcome Italy and also thank you for being so caring.

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The Most Modern Way to Travel

The Most Modern Way to Travel

In case you don’t have the ability to turn your head and look out the window, there is also a live stream of the road on this bus.

FlixBus: Where dreams come true!

The Day She Felt Betrayed

The Day She Felt Betrayed

“What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO? I told you to stop the show until I got back from the bathroom! I can’t believe you went on without me. One time. One time I decide, “Hey Helen, now is a good time to pee during a TV show. They’ll pause it. These are good people. These are good people you can trust. These are good, trustworthy people. They wouldn’t go on without you. They would know I need to see every minute of this weeks Sesame Street episode. They would respect my adoration of Big Bird and all his wondrous fluffy feathers that are always impeccably perched. How does he do it? I mean does he use a special conditioner?”

“Well it’s fine Helen we can just go back–”

“NO! It’s not the same. Now you’ve already seen it. It’s doesn’t count. You might as well have just taken my favorite stuffed animal and ripped his head off and–”

“Lets just rewind it, it’s fine.”

“NO! And I mean I am such a good person, I go to the bathroom and then I think “Hey, you know what? You should bring them some fried chicken, they would like that. And then I come back with the gift of god ready for you and you just COMMIT THE SIN of Sesame Street viewing.”

“Didn’t you took a bite out of both of those chicken pieces…?”

“Alright, maybe I just said that for effect, of course I am going to eat all the chicken. It is delicious. But you, you are just rude.”

The Day I found Out I wasn’t Fresh

The Day I found Out I wasn't Fresh

“Hey Amyra”

“Papaaaaaaa”

“Amyra, I need to tell you something”

“What? Is it about the stuffed animal I stole from Helen? Because she totally deserved it. She took my playdough.”

“No, Amyra it’s–”

“–Is it about that smell? I swear have nothing to do with that. I haven’t even smelled it. It is so fresh in here. Like Febreeze or apples.”

“No, but now that you mention–”

“–Is it about that time when I ate the entire jar of Nutella? I’m sorry, I was hungry. i realize Nutella is expensive and I don’t even know why you think it’s unhealthy I mean chocolate comes from cocoa and cocoa comes from trees so I mean how unhealthy can it be? Right? I mean trees are totally important. That’s why I donated to that “Save the Rain Forests Charity” 3 years ago.”

“I don’t remember you donating?”

“Ok, so I only took the pamphlet but at least I read it. Half of it.”

“Hmm, um ok. No I wanted to talk to you about something else. I have to tell–”

“Is it about your bed? About that time I peed in it? I swear I was having a dream I was on the toilet it’s not like I would just do that all the time because I think beds are an adequate and fitting location to alleviate my bladder, I really was dreaming that–”

“Amyra! No! It’s not about the bed urination!”

“Well then what?”

“I just finally had to tell you wearing that hat, doesn’t make you The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. In fact you are as far away from Will Smith as you can get. You’re just a very small caucausian young female. ”

“Well that’s just rude.”

The Cyber Currency Hype

The Cyber Currency Hype

“Bitcoin has simply woken people from the mindset that ‘currency’ equals ‘green rectangles of paper with pictures of dead American presidents on them’,”

– David Wolman

Although as of now cyber currency still poses as that unicorn in a boat made up of cotton candy and lollipops that your weird three times removed cousin claims she saw, I see a future.

But more for another day!

Banana-Watch

Banana-Watch

For me personally, it is always important to stay on the tip of the technology market’s tongue. You know what I mean.

Introducing the newest addition to Banana Products: the Banana-Watch. Rivaling smartwatches everywhere, not only does the Banana-Watch connect you physically, but also healthily; we all know Potassium is essential.