A Few Reasons People Work out

Reasons people work out(in particular me):

  1. To have an excuse to buy a lot of stretchy clothes
  2. To justify the 4 pounds of pasta slash “CARBS” you engorge after a “hard” workout
  3. To tell your friends or frankly anyone who will listen how many minutes you were on the stair-master for
  4. To be able to carry my own IKEA furniture at IKEA
  5. To be able to carry my own IKEA furniture into my fifth floor apartment
  6. To have a reason to wear more neon clothing than in the 80’s put together times 2
  7. To be able to say “Guys, I am so sore” for a reason other than helping your friend move into their new apartment
  8. To be accepted in society for wearing stretchy pants and workout shoes at the bank, the grocery store, the new 5 star restaurant downtown and to your meeting with your lawyer.
  9. To be able to catch that bus you always miss
  10. To be able to both carry my own groceries and talk on the phone all at once
  11. To not be so sweaty when you dance your face off at a club
  12.  To balance out the pizza and Chinese food you eat 2 to 5 times a week
  13. To be able to, if necessary, run away from Zombies, wild animals, any kind of moving vehicle and any social situation dubbed unnecessary or uncomfortable
  14. To be able to be amazing at any physically engaging drinking game such as a beer run or flip cup
  15. To have an excuse to wear really dorky shoes that usually only CEO’s of tech companies can get away with WP_20140425_12_06_52_Pro
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The Challenges of a one-man-show

Things I can’t do by myself:

  1. Play Hide and Seek
  2. Get a 2 for 1 movie theater deal
  3. Go on the see-saw
  4. Do a round of Limbo
  5. Set up IKEA furniture correctly
  6. Play flip-cup
  7. Watch the news and understand everything
  8. Make a tasteful and profitable adult film
  9. Go on an Easter Egg Hunt
  10. Get pregnant
  11. Do a chin-up
  12. Go on a jog for longer than 30 minutes
  13. Fold anything larger than my body size
  14. Break into my own apartment
  15. Bake anything
  16. Watch anything that might remotely scare me like an episode of “Smallville”
  17. Be a twin
  18. Not eat the entire bag of chocolate/gummy bears/chips I just opened_MG_1938