No Pants Challenge

It’s time. Really,it is ABOUT TIME I start another challenge. It’s been over 3 months since my amazing roommates and I went on an insane roller coaster of a journey which I will call our “Juice Fast”

Now that I think of how it was described as a “journey” you know like comparable to a push-the-limits, post-college-grad, absolutely awesome Euro-trip type journey when people were convincing us to do it, I’m tempted to smack those people in the face. They were wrong. Entirely. It was nothing like the vacation I took during college with my best gal pals. Yes, I made weird mixed drinks no one else wanted to touch, became far too aware of anything going in and out of my body and found myself making promises that I knew I would never keep such as:

Euro trip:  “I will definitely start reading all of Voltaire’s poetry in French. Obviously. Anything else would be like cheating culture.”

Juice Fast: “I will definitely continue buying exclusively local produce and eating a complete vegan diet. I don’t know how so many people treat their body like a Wendy’s drive through instead of the temple it obviously is.”

We all know those things never panned out despite my attempts. Sometimes lousy, sometimes less lousy.

So yeah, the juice fast turned out differently than it had been described. Instead of an existential experience it was more like people who are really into seeing other people naked joining a nunnery. Like, all people. Men, women, whatever. I love to eat and juice is not eating. I am not saying it wasn’t great, I am just saying there is something solid to solids foods.

SO, I have decided to take on a new challenge. It came to me today. Me and my body, we get places together. We hang out all of the time. But lately our relationship has revolved around figuring out how long we can “not” work out for and instead cake it after work and watch numerous movies which probably feature Sandra Bullock. So I feel a lot like a Walrus. Or any other animal that doesn’t really have a distinct body shape and is really just there. So, it got me to thinking about how we never spend too much time naked.

Really. Generally we spend the majority of our nakedness either choosing new things to put on to end our nakedness or we are cleaning ourselves. But what if we spent a lot more time not constrained or hiding in our clothes?

So, I have decided to start a “No Pants Week”.

Whenever I get home, I take my pants off and whatever coat/sweater/jacket I am rocking and just proceed with my regular life. Unless it is freezing. Then I can wear a sweater. I am not trying to give myself hypothermia. Come on.

Alrighty, time to take my pants off.

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The Progression of my Eating Habits

I will generally start my days off vegan, quickly forget about that, eat a pizza and then by 10:30 PM I am an animal raging for anything with chocolate or accompanied by a sauce. 

 

Seems pretty stable to me. 

Day 5

It is day 5! Halfway done! Crazy how fast it is going.

I am feeling really okay. Not hungry at all, and if I am then I drink some juice. Bim bam. Maybe I won’t stop and I will just drink juice my entire life. Just kidding. I already have an extensive list of food I will be eating which includes 4 different burgers from 3 different restaurants. But I do think I will change my approach to the way I eat.

Additionally, doing this detox has made me realize how many activities in the realms of my very dynamic and exuberant life revolve around eating and drinking and eating more and drinking and eating a cookie and drinking a beer and eating everything. Never in my life have I been a true activist of organizing so many recreational activities as now. I have been to a lake for an afternoon outing where we played cards for about an hour. I went bowling, because it sounded like fun. When have I ever done that? Answer: never because I have never been 80 years old, until now. Bowling was actually super fun and I was very good at it and it mainly had to do with the fact that 50% of the people playing were consuming an alcoholic beverage of some sort and my fellow sober sisters weren’t exactly Olympic trained bowlers. Proceeding to my next recreational activity, this I believe the true frosting on the cake that is detox-hobbies: mini golf. Remember when your weird uncle who wears purple a lot and smells kind of like a mixture of bananas and mold asked you if you wanted to play mini golf when you were 7 and you just knew you didn’t and since then you’ve always know no good thing comes from mini golf? Well it turns out it is a very humorous way of passing time. I am terrible but it was very cute to watch the 8 year old behind us make nearly a hole in one every time and experience all 7 of us full grown college educated adults smile with a little bit of hate every time we realized again how much of a boss this kid is. How is this kid such a boss? He was truly the Iron Man of mini golfing. It must be something, maybe he drinks a lot of milk or pediasure.

Well, today I just went into the sunny city for a juice with the fellow drinking gals, less retired-golf-addicted-khaki-wearing-60-yr-old activity and more regular 20 year old hours of the day. 🙂

A Few Reasons People Work out

Reasons people work out(in particular me):

  1. To have an excuse to buy a lot of stretchy clothes
  2. To justify the 4 pounds of pasta slash “CARBS” you engorge after a “hard” workout
  3. To tell your friends or frankly anyone who will listen how many minutes you were on the stair-master for
  4. To be able to carry my own IKEA furniture at IKEA
  5. To be able to carry my own IKEA furniture into my fifth floor apartment
  6. To have a reason to wear more neon clothing than in the 80’s put together times 2
  7. To be able to say “Guys, I am so sore” for a reason other than helping your friend move into their new apartment
  8. To be accepted in society for wearing stretchy pants and workout shoes at the bank, the grocery store, the new 5 star restaurant downtown and to your meeting with your lawyer.
  9. To be able to catch that bus you always miss
  10. To be able to both carry my own groceries and talk on the phone all at once
  11. To not be so sweaty when you dance your face off at a club
  12.  To balance out the pizza and Chinese food you eat 2 to 5 times a week
  13. To be able to, if necessary, run away from Zombies, wild animals, any kind of moving vehicle and any social situation dubbed unnecessary or uncomfortable
  14. To be able to be amazing at any physically engaging drinking game such as a beer run or flip cup
  15. To have an excuse to wear really dorky shoes that usually only CEO’s of tech companies can get away with WP_20140425_12_06_52_Pro