No Pants Challenge

It’s time. Really,it is ABOUT TIME I start another challenge. It’s been over 3 months since my amazing roommates and I went on an insane roller coaster of a journey which I will call our “Juice Fast”

Now that I think of how it was described as a “journey” you know like comparable to a push-the-limits, post-college-grad, absolutely awesome Euro-trip type journey when people were convincing us to do it, I’m tempted to smack those people in the face. They were wrong. Entirely. It was nothing like the vacation I took during college with my best gal pals. Yes, I made weird mixed drinks no one else wanted to touch, became far too aware of anything going in and out of my body and found myself making promises that I knew I would never keep such as:

Euro trip:  “I will definitely start reading all of Voltaire’s poetry in French. Obviously. Anything else would be like cheating culture.”

Juice Fast: “I will definitely continue buying exclusively local produce and eating a complete vegan diet. I don’t know how so many people treat their body like a Wendy’s drive through instead of the temple it obviously is.”

We all know those things never panned out despite my attempts. Sometimes lousy, sometimes less lousy.

So yeah, the juice fast turned out differently than it had been described. Instead of an existential experience it was more like people who are really into seeing other people naked joining a nunnery. Like, all people. Men, women, whatever. I love to eat and juice is not eating. I am not saying it wasn’t great, I am just saying there is something solid to solids foods.

SO, I have decided to take on a new challenge. It came to me today. Me and my body, we get places together. We hang out all of the time. But lately our relationship has revolved around figuring out how long we can “not” work out for and instead cake it after work and watch numerous movies which probably feature Sandra Bullock. So I feel a lot like a Walrus. Or any other animal that doesn’t really have a distinct body shape and is really just there. So, it got me to thinking about how we never spend too much time naked.

Really. Generally we spend the majority of our nakedness either choosing new things to put on to end our nakedness or we are cleaning ourselves. But what if we spent a lot more time not constrained or hiding in our clothes?

So, I have decided to start a “No Pants Week”.

Whenever I get home, I take my pants off and whatever coat/sweater/jacket I am rocking and just proceed with my regular life. Unless it is freezing. Then I can wear a sweater. I am not trying to give myself hypothermia. Come on.

Alrighty, time to take my pants off.

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The Progression of my Eating Habits

I will generally start my days off vegan, quickly forget about that, eat a pizza and then by 10:30 PM I am an animal raging for anything with chocolate or accompanied by a sauce. 

 

Seems pretty stable to me. 

Day 1 – Day 3

It is day 1 of my juice detox with my roommates. Status update: hungry.

Never in my life have I daydreamed about food as much as I have today. Perhaps it wasn’t the ideal solution to start this detox on the day after my roommates birthday –> Birthday cake, everywhere.

It is day 2 of my juice detox with my roommates. Status update: still hungry but also tired. Never in my life have I taken more naps except maybe when I was a small infant freshly released from my mother’s womb. Yeesh that must have been a really boring place to hang out. Literally all I did was go swimming. I didn’t even read a book or tweet. I bet the newest market is going to be “Gadgets for Babies in Womb”, like womb-water-juice(what is that liquid called again)-proof iPads with an astute and appropriate selection of both fun apps and also educational like for instance a dictionary. I would patent that but I don’t think I will. I don’t think many parents want their kids to come out and be smarter than them already.

It is day 3 of my juice detox with my roommates. Status update: tired, but not hungry.

Who knew you could pee so often?

 

A Few Reasons People Work out

Reasons people work out(in particular me):

  1. To have an excuse to buy a lot of stretchy clothes
  2. To justify the 4 pounds of pasta slash “CARBS” you engorge after a “hard” workout
  3. To tell your friends or frankly anyone who will listen how many minutes you were on the stair-master for
  4. To be able to carry my own IKEA furniture at IKEA
  5. To be able to carry my own IKEA furniture into my fifth floor apartment
  6. To have a reason to wear more neon clothing than in the 80’s put together times 2
  7. To be able to say “Guys, I am so sore” for a reason other than helping your friend move into their new apartment
  8. To be accepted in society for wearing stretchy pants and workout shoes at the bank, the grocery store, the new 5 star restaurant downtown and to your meeting with your lawyer.
  9. To be able to catch that bus you always miss
  10. To be able to both carry my own groceries and talk on the phone all at once
  11. To not be so sweaty when you dance your face off at a club
  12.  To balance out the pizza and Chinese food you eat 2 to 5 times a week
  13. To be able to, if necessary, run away from Zombies, wild animals, any kind of moving vehicle and any social situation dubbed unnecessary or uncomfortable
  14. To be able to be amazing at any physically engaging drinking game such as a beer run or flip cup
  15. To have an excuse to wear really dorky shoes that usually only CEO’s of tech companies can get away with WP_20140425_12_06_52_Pro