It is day 5! Halfway done! Crazy how fast it is going.
I am feeling really okay. Not hungry at all, and if I am then I drink some juice. Bim bam. Maybe I won’t stop and I will just drink juice my entire life. Just kidding. I already have an extensive list of food I will be eating which includes 4 different burgers from 3 different restaurants. But I do think I will change my approach to the way I eat.
Additionally, doing this detox has made me realize how many activities in the realms of my very dynamic and exuberant life revolve around eating and drinking and eating more and drinking and eating a cookie and drinking a beer and eating everything. Never in my life have I been a true activist of organizing so many recreational activities as now. I have been to a lake for an afternoon outing where we played cards for about an hour. I went bowling, because it sounded like fun. When have I ever done that? Answer: never because I have never been 80 years old, until now. Bowling was actually super fun and I was very good at it and it mainly had to do with the fact that 50% of the people playing were consuming an alcoholic beverage of some sort and my fellow sober sisters weren’t exactly Olympic trained bowlers. Proceeding to my next recreational activity, this I believe the true frosting on the cake that is detox-hobbies: mini golf. Remember when your weird uncle who wears purple a lot and smells kind of like a mixture of bananas and mold asked you if you wanted to play mini golf when you were 7 and you just knew you didn’t and since then you’ve always know no good thing comes from mini golf? Well it turns out it is a very humorous way of passing time. I am terrible but it was very cute to watch the 8 year old behind us make nearly a hole in one every time and experience all 7 of us full grown college educated adults smile with a little bit of hate every time we realized again how much of a boss this kid is. How is this kid such a boss? He was truly the Iron Man of mini golfing. It must be something, maybe he drinks a lot of milk or pediasure.
Well, today I just went into the sunny city for a juice with the fellow drinking gals, less retired-golf-addicted-khaki-wearing-60-yr-old activity and more regular 20 year old hours of the day. 🙂
It is day 1 of my juice detox with my roommates. Status update: hungry.
Never in my life have I daydreamed about food as much as I have today. Perhaps it wasn’t the ideal solution to start this detox on the day after my roommates birthday –> Birthday cake, everywhere.
It is day 2 of my juice detox with my roommates. Status update: still hungry but also tired. Never in my life have I taken more naps except maybe when I was a small infant freshly released from my mother’s womb. Yeesh that must have been a really boring place to hang out. Literally all I did was go swimming. I didn’t even read a book or tweet. I bet the newest market is going to be “Gadgets for Babies in Womb”, like womb-water-juice(what is that liquid called again)-proof iPads with an astute and appropriate selection of both fun apps and also educational like for instance a dictionary. I would patent that but I don’t think I will. I don’t think many parents want their kids to come out and be smarter than them already.
It is day 3 of my juice detox with my roommates. Status update: tired, but not hungry.
Who knew you could pee so often?
Reasons people work out(in particular me):
- To have an excuse to buy a lot of stretchy clothes
- To justify the 4 pounds of pasta slash “CARBS” you engorge after a “hard” workout
- To tell your friends or frankly anyone who will listen how many minutes you were on the stair-master for
- To be able to carry my own IKEA furniture at IKEA
- To be able to carry my own IKEA furniture into my fifth floor apartment
- To have a reason to wear more neon clothing than in the 80’s put together times 2
- To be able to say “Guys, I am so sore” for a reason other than helping your friend move into their new apartment
- To be accepted in society for wearing stretchy pants and workout shoes at the bank, the grocery store, the new 5 star restaurant downtown and to your meeting with your lawyer.
- To be able to catch that bus you always miss
- To be able to both carry my own groceries and talk on the phone all at once
- To not be so sweaty when you dance your face off at a club
- To balance out the pizza and Chinese food you eat 2 to 5 times a week
- To be able to, if necessary, run away from Zombies, wild animals, any kind of moving vehicle and any social situation dubbed unnecessary or uncomfortable
- To be able to be amazing at any physically engaging drinking game such as a beer run or flip cup
- To have an excuse to wear really dorky shoes that usually only CEO’s of tech companies can get away with
Things I can’t do by myself:
- Play Hide and Seek
- Get a 2 for 1 movie theater deal
- Go on the see-saw
- Do a round of Limbo
- Set up IKEA furniture correctly
- Play flip-cup
- Watch the news and understand everything
- Make a tasteful and profitable adult film
- Go on an Easter Egg Hunt
- Get pregnant
- Do a chin-up
- Go on a jog for longer than 30 minutes
- Fold anything larger than my body size
- Break into my own apartment
- Bake anything
- Watch anything that might remotely scare me like an episode of “Smallville”
- Be a twin
- Not eat the entire bag of chocolate/gummy bears/chips I just opened