No Pants Challenge

It’s time. Really,it is ABOUT TIME I start another challenge. It’s been over 3 months since my amazing roommates and I went on an insane roller coaster of a journey which I will call our “Juice Fast”

Now that I think of how it was described as a “journey” you know like comparable to a push-the-limits, post-college-grad, absolutely awesome Euro-trip type journey when people were convincing us to do it, I’m tempted to smack those people in the face. They were wrong. Entirely. It was nothing like the vacation I took during college with my best gal pals. Yes, I made weird mixed drinks no one else wanted to touch, became far too aware of anything going in and out of my body and found myself making promises that I knew I would never keep such as:

Euro trip:  “I will definitely start reading all of Voltaire’s poetry in French. Obviously. Anything else would be like cheating culture.”

Juice Fast: “I will definitely continue buying exclusively local produce and eating a complete vegan diet. I don’t know how so many people treat their body like a Wendy’s drive through instead of the temple it obviously is.”

We all know those things never panned out despite my attempts. Sometimes lousy, sometimes less lousy.

So yeah, the juice fast turned out differently than it had been described. Instead of an existential experience it was more like people who are really into seeing other people naked joining a nunnery. Like, all people. Men, women, whatever. I love to eat and juice is not eating. I am not saying it wasn’t great, I am just saying there is something solid to solids foods.

SO, I have decided to take on a new challenge. It came to me today. Me and my body, we get places together. We hang out all of the time. But lately our relationship has revolved around figuring out how long we can “not” work out for and instead cake it after work and watch numerous movies which probably feature Sandra Bullock. So I feel a lot like a Walrus. Or any other animal that doesn’t really have a distinct body shape and is really just there. So, it got me to thinking about how we never spend too much time naked.

Really. Generally we spend the majority of our nakedness either choosing new things to put on to end our nakedness or we are cleaning ourselves. But what if we spent a lot more time not constrained or hiding in our clothes?

So, I have decided to start a “No Pants Week”.

Whenever I get home, I take my pants off and whatever coat/sweater/jacket I am rocking and just proceed with my regular life. Unless it is freezing. Then I can wear a sweater. I am not trying to give myself hypothermia. Come on.

Alrighty, time to take my pants off.

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Parking in Krka

It was one of those vacations you never wanted to end. Each day brought its new hysterical twist and turn. But how could we go wrong with 8 hotties in Croatia? Maybe part of our 12 hour drive there included returning to our juvenile roots and playing truth or dare. Maybe our first dare included going to the gas station bathroom and wearing all of our underwear outside of our clothes and parading around. But I won’t confirm anything.

It was a roadtrip at its finest, I suppose. It is safe to say I have very beautiful, hilarious friends that I am incredibly grateful for.

These pictures are from the day we spent at Krka National park, basically walking around “oohing” and “aahing” everything from waterfalls to little leaves. We were amazed by anything. It felt like I was Pocahontas and I actually think people enjoyed my rendition of “Just around the Riverbend”, at least I didn’t get kicked out, so you know what’s good.There were people that kept illegally jumping off the waterfalls(which is actually life threatening because the depth of the pool changes every meter or so) so we all just had a couple heart attacks but that’s fine. I don’t even like calmness of the body and mind.

It wasn’t me in Prague

Oh what an adventure it was…

The roomies and I decided to strap ourselves in and spontaneously head over to Praha, Czech Republic for a night. Well, it was a one night plan but the second night just ended up happening out of nowhere and we are still not fully taking responsibility for it. It just happened. I guess you could call it “non-stop”.

Oh, it was insane.

That time of the year rolled around again: Erlanger Bergkirchweih.

This beer guzzling phenomenon can also be referred to as the event many a teenager(and sadly or maybe not so sadly many non-teenagers) save up for all year. This magical fest is everything it is hyped up to be. Starting with the long walk through sun kissed fields carrying one or 3 crates of beer, running into too many people you know and sharing a Klopferle with them, eventually you somehow make it to the music and German “Tracht” infused party. I can’t even explain it. It is amazing. And somehow I always manage to spend exuberant amounts of money there along with every other person attending. It is amazing. That is worth repeating a hundred times.

You will lose everyone there. You won’t have service. Your phone will die. You will fall off the table you’re dancing on at least 4 times. The music will be too loud. Then the music won’t be loud enough. They will play “Summer of ’69” too often, yet never often enough. You’ll fall in love set to “Sweet Caroline”, then forget who you fell in love with and move on to the next table full of random people who are bound to be your best friends within a song and a “Cheers”. And you will drink a lot of beer.

You’re Tan Italy, We get it

You're Tan Italy, We get it

Italy has had its woes. It has had its ups, it has had its downs. Julius Caesar, the Roman Empire, the Renaissance, Pizza! All major ups if you ask me.

Now I feel like they are going through one of their slightly “downer” phases. Decades of Berlusconi and his completely legitimate political regime have torn down the frameworks of a well functioning country to the likes of a toddler running a trigonometry course(alright that might be a bit dramatic). All despite the ever-present high sales of Gelato, they are suffering from the stagnant development or rather entirely ceased development of their economy.

I travelled to Italy with my sister and got to experience the world according to Italy firsthand. Where I thought there might be worries about nearly non-existent labor force growth and the fall of production in their nation instead only offered one true woe on the minds and in the hearts of all active and law-abiding Italian citizens:

My skin.

If you have ever met me or looked at a piece of printer paper, you will know that I have a skin tone comparable with a freshly painted hospital wall. Might as well be a color palette for “Say Yes to the Dress” or a standard upon which you can determine the freshness of snow. You get the point.

Coming back to my original argument, it seems as though Italy could be contemplating many a grand conflict in their society yet it seemed they had replaced all of this energy supply with relinquishing many variations of warnings that I am quote as “bianco as milk”.
Never in my life have more people prior to me even greeting them let alone learning their name and favorite current Netflix show of choice handed me sunscreen and pled me to use it. 7 days of this and I felt like I was on my third grade field-trip to Yosemite all over again with every parent chaperone smothering me in what can only be described as pure zinc.
One time my sister and I wanted to take a canoe out and were stopped and told we couldn’t go out unless we covered ourselves to protect our skin. AN OLD ITALIAN MAN DICTATED MY SPF AND RECREATIONAL-WATER-ACTIVITY-OUTFIT. I know this isn’t the United States of Amurrica but I still have freedom of sunblock-usage right?

In retrospect it was actually very sweet and attentive of the Italianos. And hey at least I didn’t get a sunburn and technically I boosted their economy by investing in enough sunscreen for a small Albino army. You’re welcome Italy and also thank you for being so caring.