No Pants Challenge

It’s time. Really,it is ABOUT TIME I start another challenge. It’s been over 3 months since my amazing roommates and I went on an insane roller coaster of a journey which I will call our “Juice Fast”

Now that I think of how it was described as a “journey” you know like comparable to a push-the-limits, post-college-grad, absolutely awesome Euro-trip type journey when people were convincing us to do it, I’m tempted to smack those people in the face. They were wrong. Entirely. It was nothing like the vacation I took during college with my best gal pals. Yes, I made weird mixed drinks no one else wanted to touch, became far too aware of anything going in and out of my body and found myself making promises that I knew I would never keep such as:

Euro trip:  “I will definitely start reading all of Voltaire’s poetry in French. Obviously. Anything else would be like cheating culture.”

Juice Fast: “I will definitely continue buying exclusively local produce and eating a complete vegan diet. I don’t know how so many people treat their body like a Wendy’s drive through instead of the temple it obviously is.”

We all know those things never panned out despite my attempts. Sometimes lousy, sometimes less lousy.

So yeah, the juice fast turned out differently than it had been described. Instead of an existential experience it was more like people who are really into seeing other people naked joining a nunnery. Like, all people. Men, women, whatever. I love to eat and juice is not eating. I am not saying it wasn’t great, I am just saying there is something solid to solids foods.

SO, I have decided to take on a new challenge. It came to me today. Me and my body, we get places together. We hang out all of the time. But lately our relationship has revolved around figuring out how long we can “not” work out for and instead cake it after work and watch numerous movies which probably feature Sandra Bullock. So I feel a lot like a Walrus. Or any other animal that doesn’t really have a distinct body shape and is really just there. So, it got me to thinking about how we never spend too much time naked.

Really. Generally we spend the majority of our nakedness either choosing new things to put on to end our nakedness or we are cleaning ourselves. But what if we spent a lot more time not constrained or hiding in our clothes?

So, I have decided to start a “No Pants Week”.

Whenever I get home, I take my pants off and whatever coat/sweater/jacket I am rocking and just proceed with my regular life. Unless it is freezing. Then I can wear a sweater. I am not trying to give myself hypothermia. Come on.

Alrighty, time to take my pants off.

Oh Mah Carrot

I cannot believe it is day 10. Dis shit is bananas. Ok, it is really not bananas because bananas give absolutely no juice, saddest thing in the world. I know. Oops that may have been a bit too personal for your liking. I will not apologize, you are grown and just deal with  it.

Tomorrow I get to ingest solids foods into my overly excited body after 10 days(!!!!). WHOO. My roommates and I are so scared. What if I eat one thing and am full until Wednesday? What will I do with my hourly eating schedule of greatness? Or what if I break my digestive intestines? I will have to eat apple sauce my entire life. I like apple sauce, but lets be real: no one really sits around and wants apple sauce.

 

Day 5

It is day 5! Halfway done! Crazy how fast it is going.

I am feeling really okay. Not hungry at all, and if I am then I drink some juice. Bim bam. Maybe I won’t stop and I will just drink juice my entire life. Just kidding. I already have an extensive list of food I will be eating which includes 4 different burgers from 3 different restaurants. But I do think I will change my approach to the way I eat.

Additionally, doing this detox has made me realize how many activities in the realms of my very dynamic and exuberant life revolve around eating and drinking and eating more and drinking and eating a cookie and drinking a beer and eating everything. Never in my life have I been a true activist of organizing so many recreational activities as now. I have been to a lake for an afternoon outing where we played cards for about an hour. I went bowling, because it sounded like fun. When have I ever done that? Answer: never because I have never been 80 years old, until now. Bowling was actually super fun and I was very good at it and it mainly had to do with the fact that 50% of the people playing were consuming an alcoholic beverage of some sort and my fellow sober sisters weren’t exactly Olympic trained bowlers. Proceeding to my next recreational activity, this I believe the true frosting on the cake that is detox-hobbies: mini golf. Remember when your weird uncle who wears purple a lot and smells kind of like a mixture of bananas and mold asked you if you wanted to play mini golf when you were 7 and you just knew you didn’t and since then you’ve always know no good thing comes from mini golf? Well it turns out it is a very humorous way of passing time. I am terrible but it was very cute to watch the 8 year old behind us make nearly a hole in one every time and experience all 7 of us full grown college educated adults smile with a little bit of hate every time we realized again how much of a boss this kid is. How is this kid such a boss? He was truly the Iron Man of mini golfing. It must be something, maybe he drinks a lot of milk or pediasure.

Well, today I just went into the sunny city for a juice with the fellow drinking gals, less retired-golf-addicted-khaki-wearing-60-yr-old activity and more regular 20 year old hours of the day. 🙂

Day 1 – Day 3

It is day 1 of my juice detox with my roommates. Status update: hungry.

Never in my life have I daydreamed about food as much as I have today. Perhaps it wasn’t the ideal solution to start this detox on the day after my roommates birthday –> Birthday cake, everywhere.

It is day 2 of my juice detox with my roommates. Status update: still hungry but also tired. Never in my life have I taken more naps except maybe when I was a small infant freshly released from my mother’s womb. Yeesh that must have been a really boring place to hang out. Literally all I did was go swimming. I didn’t even read a book or tweet. I bet the newest market is going to be “Gadgets for Babies in Womb”, like womb-water-juice(what is that liquid called again)-proof iPads with an astute and appropriate selection of both fun apps and also educational like for instance a dictionary. I would patent that but I don’t think I will. I don’t think many parents want their kids to come out and be smarter than them already.

It is day 3 of my juice detox with my roommates. Status update: tired, but not hungry.

Who knew you could pee so often?