My Best Friend Doesn’t Know Me At All

Don’t you just love modern technology? We can buy our socks from Australia, order pizza from literally anywhere, download One-Directions newest one hit wonder(always hoping that is what it will be so they can finally scurry away and hide behind a rock or boulder maybe) two seconds after it is released on Disney-Radio and download and read the bible on an iPad(the way God intended it). It is easy to say technology has paved many a way for us mere mortals. Paved the way onto the couch, in a comfy chair in a corner, rested up against 3 pillows on my bed with 3 assortments of chips and various gummy bear options, basically paved a way to great places. Once I actually checked the weather from on my phone instead of getting out of bed and looking outside. If that isn’t the way of the modern world, then what is?

 

I did have a reason for this rant of course and this is it. I was on my phone today during my English course because that class sometimes really needs a supplementary activity to keep my eyes from actually closing and me joining a severe REM cycle, and I went into the app store to see what I could get and noticed there was a “Suggestions for you” section. I thought “Who knows me better than the one person/object that is always there for me? The one I always feed, I carry when it can’t stand, I put protective clothing/gear on so it doesn’t get hurt, I protect with my heart and the clenched fist with two to three fight rings. The answer is no one. Of course my phone knows what I want.”

 

So I opened the suggestions box. And this is what my phone thought I could use based on my other downloads:

 

Google Plus.

 

…………

……………….

 

………………………..

YOU DON’T KNOW ME AT ALL PHONE. 

 

So I have made a list of things that are as useful as Google Plus:

 

1. Typing “www.” when you want to go to a website

2. Liking your own Facebook/Instagram pictures –> we all notice and immediately think you are the most pretentious person ever. This is totally not worth the extra like

3. Owning a jeans vest

4. Being really good at writing cursive

5. Knowing the periodic table by heart

6. Having a myspace account(although I have one but purely because I have NO way of accessing it to delete it. It would be great maybe if I could get into contact with Justin Timberlake and he could delete it for me or tell me which way to move forward on this particular matter. Justin, if you see this, just holler!)

7. Knowing the difference between all the different types of milk there are at the supermarket: just drink the one your mom told you to, I won’t tell anyone, it’s fine

8. One shoe

9. Putting water on your toothbrush before you put toothpaste on it, then putting water on it again. You are high maintenance. Think about all the water you are wasting. 

10. While we are on that track, brushing your teeth before a meal. Unless you enjoy the disgusting taste, WHO ARE YOU

11. Beds smaller than a Full sized bed. If I wanted to sleep on a ledge, I would. 

12. Shaving every day. 

13. A set of encyclopedias in Latin 

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